10 Signs You Are Wasting Your Time Trying to Get Your Ex Back

There are times you might see some signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back. No doubt you may try relentlessly to win your ex back especially when you believe that relationship is your one good shot at a romantic connection. But what happens when you cannot shake off the gut feeling that your conscious effort is a fruitless pursuit?

Recognizing and understanding the signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back can save you from unnecessary heartache.

Here we’ll look at such signs ranging from your ex’s clear lack of interest to their avoidance of communication.

Clear Signs You are Wasting Your Time Trying to Get Your Ex Back

1. When their words and actions align

One of the most glaring signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back is how their words and actions align together. Perhaps, your former partner has expressed clearly that they don’t want to rekindle the romantic relationship.

And then their actions show the same as they try to avoid you all the time. It’s a clear sign you might be wasting your time, making a conscious effort to get them back.

Also, note that the opposite, asking that you remain friends does not mean they want you back. Always check to see if they are equally walking towards building with you or focused on their future relationship.

signs you are wasting time trying to get your ex back

2. Going ghost

Another sure sign is avoidance. If your ex constantly avoids your attempts at communication, it’s time to leave the past behind. Consider whether they are skipping your calls, ignoring your messages, or avoiding places where they might run into you.

Even when you remain friends, do they avoid getting into deep conversations with you? Of course, knowing they are avoiding you is more evident in a long distance relationship than others.

But then these actions are clear signs of a lack of interest in the past relationship. Thus, persistence in the face of such dismissive behavior might be a futile endeavor.

3. Current relationship status

Another of the most clear signs you are wasting your time trying to get back your ex is their new relationship status.

Does your former partner have a new romantic connection? Have they gotten married? Or have you witnessed them making romantic gestures to another person?

These signs show that your ex boyfriend may have lost feelings in their past relationship with you.

4. Record of cheating

Perhaps your ex boyfriend has a history of infidelity. If they have cheated in the past, they may very well repeat this behavior. This is a bad sign that shows getting back with them will only lead to more pain and trust issues.

This doesn’t necessarily guarantee they won’t return to you. But the chances are significantly lower and the potential for emotional harm is increased. If they’ve cheated on you before, you must think carefully when thinking about rekindling an old romance.

Signs You are Wasting Your Time Trying to Get Your Ex Back

5. Time elapsed

What if you decided to give your ex a few months to see if your ex would return? If you’ve not heard from them after a few months, especially up to six months, it’s time to let go. Attempting to fix things after this time, may only cause heartache.

According to extensive research by relationship analysts, the contact rule is that most successful reunions between former lovers occur within the six-month mark following the breakup. Ignoring this timeframe to continue making romantic gestures at an unresponsive ex is a blow to your self esteem.

6. Lukewarm results

In assessing signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back, a significant red flag is persistence without reciprocation. This happens when you have invested years of effort, yet received no response in return. Essentially, you might just be getting strung along.

Your gut feeling may already be telling you that you are only chasing a mirage. If they cannot seem to make up their mind about you, then it’s time to let your former partner go. That lack of reciprocity suggests they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. Read the signs, respect their decision, and prioritize your self-love and well-being.

7. They haven’t changed

Suppose they seem keen for reconciliation but haven’t stopped the actions that led to the break up in the first place.

This is a bad sign that proves they are likely not interested in a committed stance with you. So, they are not serious about reconciliation. As an example, if the issue was laziness, but they still failed to show any initiative or ambition, this could be a clear sign you’re wasting your time.

8. Blocking you everywhere

Another sure sign you are wasting time trying to win your ex back is they went extreme to block all forms of communication with you.

If they have severed all possible channels of contact, such as emails, phone calls, or social media for a lengthened period of six months or more, then this is a significant indication they may not be interested in mending the relationship.

9. Bending over backwards

Another clear signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back is if you have to change your identity to please them. Healthy relationships honor individuality. So spend time thinking of what it truly means to come back with them or please them.

And if you find it’s not about romantic feelings but trying to please them by changing yourself, it’s not worth the effort. You’re better off, spending your resources elsewhere such as building a new relationship

10. Desire to avoid loneliness

Ask yourself the question – why do you want to get back with your ex boyfriend? If you want them for reasons such as fear of loneliness, it isn’t worth it. True love isn’t built on desperation. It is built on genuine romantic feelings.

Also, loneliness is a good thing, especially when it creates avenues to prepare better for a healthier future relationship. In essence, self-respect and the courage to face change should be your guiding principles.

signs you are wasting time trying to get your ex back

Moving On: What to Do With These Signs?

Undoubtedly, we often consider the time, and effort we’ve put into our past relationship, making it harder to let go. Still, there is a profound need to understand and accept these signs.

You must know that embracing this reality is not a failure. The fact is that it’s a necessary step towards personal growth and better opportunities.

Pursuing them in this situation can often lead to heartbreak and disappointment. It’s much better to look at those signs and stop attempting to fix things. Instead, focus on your personal growth and the opportunities that come your way. Again, you need to prioritize your self esteem and emotional well being.

Signs You are Wasting Your Time Trying to Get Your Ex Back

Here are some steps you can take:

Let yourself grieve

Acknowledge those feelings of heartbreak and rejection as a part of the healing process. Address them, and permit yourself to grieve whenever the emotions come up. Sadness, anger, and hurt are all normal parts of the healing process.

Lean on your support system

Reach out to friends (even mutual friends), family, or even a therapist. Even when they are your best friend, others can still help. Sometimes just talking about what you’re going through can provide a lot of comfort and help you gain some perspective. Remember, you’re not alone in this.

Build a wall between you and your former partner

If seeing or communicating with your ex is too painful, it’s okay to set boundaries. Consider unfollowing them on social media, asking that mutual friends avoid bringing him up in conversations, or limiting contact. Try to avoid ruminating on what could have been. Instead, concentrate on the present and the positive aspects of your life.


Focusing on self-care is crucial. Engage in activities that make you feel good, whether that’s exercising, diving into a hobby, or practicing mindfulness. Reflect on the past relationship and what you’ve learned from it. This can help you grow and understand yourself better.

Rediscover yourself

Rediscovering yourself during this time can be empowering. Explore new interests, set personal goals, and get involved in deep conversations that challenge you. Ultimately, invest in your personal growth. Stay positive and remind yourself that rejection is a part of life—it doesn’t define your worth.



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