What happens when you stop chasing an avoidant? Life can sometimes feel like an unending quest for emotional security. But you may wonder what to do when you’re in a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style.
Here’s an empowering journey of self-discovery that invites you to explore your intrinsic value and emotions. By doing so, we’ll help you break free from pursuing anyone. Instead, you’ll shift your focus from seeking validation to nurturing your own emotional well-being. That way, you can unlock the door to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. So, get ready to navigate the tumultuous seas of love and connection.
Understanding the Avoidant Attachment Style
Before we talk about what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant, let’s talk about the avoidant personality.
The avoidant attachment personality isn’t a deliberate choice. They act the way they do because they were emotionally deprived in their childhood. In childhood, they lived without endearment, compassion, emotional gravity, or intimacy.
So, they might develop unique mechanisms that can limit the building of thriving relationships. These defense mechanisms create images of conceit, inflated self-esteem, or dismissive personality. They might also have a superiority complex, arrogance, and selfishness.
So, they may also lack empathy and understanding. These are vital attributes to building healthy relationships. You must also note that avoidant attachment styles aren’t learned deliberately. They don’t have that secure attachment style that healthy relationships require.
Types of avoidants
There are two types of avoidant attachment styles:
1. Dismissive avoidant attachment style
Dismissive avoidant partners are distant, selfish, and unapologetic. They often only choose casual dating because they think it’s impossible to love and commit to one person. Dismissive avoidant partners act annoyed and disdained when their partners express personal needs and emotions.
They might feel suffocated or crowded in relationships. Often, it’s because they fear the risk of losing their independence. They also despise being controlled.
So, they strive to determine the pace of the relationship. They also don’t mind controlling their partners to protect themselves. People with a dismissive avoidant attachment style may also have a pre-planned exit out of the relationship. In such relationships, you might feel lonely because your needs are never an option they want to fulfill.
2. Fearful avoidant personality type
Fearful avoidant partners desire emotional intimacy. But they are also scared of being abandoned. Their personality type is because they were unable to build defense mechanisms as kids.
So, they build an anxious attachment in any relationship. Hence, when anxiety and distrust settle in their head, they pull away. Such individuals will also return because of that fear of abandonment. Hence, they follow a routine of pushing their partner out and pulling them back countless times. They are consistently struggling in the middle. They would neither let you go or accept you.
Applying empathy and understanding on your own might help bridge that relational gap. Still, the question remains: what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant?
What Happens When You Stop Chasing an Avoidant?
You are stopping because you want to achieve personal development. Such is a vital step to unlock that deep emotional and spiritual connection with someone:
1. Heightened self-awareness
When you stop chasing an avoidant partner, a shift occurs that triggers emotional and psychological changes. The biggest is replacing the need for connection with newfound space for self-reflection. When you are self aware, you start acknowledging your own emotional needs and wants.
This change in dynamics can be a catalyst for personal growth and emotional maturity. As you learn to prioritize your emotional well-being, you develop healthier coping mechanisms.
This newfound self-awareness and independence open the door for more fulfilling, healthier relationships.
2. Relief
Once you begin to see that you don’t need validation from that person, you’ll feel a strong sense of relief. This is because you have released yourself from the draining pursuit. You won’t feel trapped anymore. And you’ll find solace that you are conquering your emotional battles.
3. Empowerment
That relief would gradually transform into empowerment. This happens as you become self aware and confident. You will gain a newfound peace of mind, free from emotional turmoil and uncertainty.
4. Personal growth
That shift will also help you achieve personal development. Thus, whenever you feel lonely, you’ll be able to self-reflect with heightened self confidence. It would also become easier to assess your emotional health at any time. And you’ll also build a more constructive and nurturing mindset. And this will also support your emotional well-being positively.
5. Better communication with others
Often people with the avoidant attachment style have trouble communicating with others. And because you’re in a relationship with them, you might adapt to these habits.
Such can negatively impact your romantic and platonic relationships. So that shift towards personal growth would also mean improving how you communicate with others. That way, you’ll create opportunities for deeper and more meaningful relationships with others.
6. Healthier boundaries
Often chasing after an avoidant partner might cause you to overlook personal boundaries. Doing so can lead to toxic relationships. When you become more self aware, you will be able to break free from this toxic habit.
Hence, you will be more intentional about encouraging respect for individual spaces and preferences. And when you are more deliberate about healthier boundaries, it creates an atmosphere that makes others feel safe and understood. Thus setting the stage for better emotional intimacy in your relationship.
7. Profound healing
When you no longer chance after an avoidant partner, you will also prioritize your own healing. And this healing isn’t just about healing from childhood trauma but any existing wounds you got from the chase. Thus, you’ll be able to get closure which also contributes to your personal growth.
So like we said earlier, when you stop chasing after someone who is emotionally unavailable, you’ll be able to focus on a partner that’s ready and willing to invest in an emotionally balanced relationship. Above everything, you’ll gain more self confidence and fully realize you deserve the best. This shift won’t just balance your romantic relationships but all interpersonal interactions.
What Happens to an Avoidant Partner When You Stop Chasing
Always remember that you aren’t ending the chase because you want to push the avoidant partner to chase after you. So their reactions (or lack of) shouldn’t influence you. There’s always a possibility that they might not return, and that’s okay.
However, when you stop pursuing an avoidant partner, often initially they will relish the solitude. They might even embrace their newfound freedom and seek other connections.
Still, depending on your relationship, the lack of chase might also force them to confront their emotional void. And when they do so, it might cause them to reflect and realize the significance of your past efforts. They might even begin to understand your value in their life.
When they realize your value, they will miss you and subtly reach out. In this case, they might miss the comfort, companionship, and even the drama that the relationship once offered.
Nevertheless, don’t forget that they can still do the exact opposite. They might revert further into their shell and avoid emotional engagement.
Ultimately, what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant partner isn’t about them. It’s about building a better you that can attract that love story of your dreams.
