Do you sometimes sense that your life is in a state of disorder? Are you experiencing emotions of being burdened and annoyed by the unusual past two years? It’s challenging to find inner peace when difficult situations occur or conflicts arise.
Our primitive brain’s mechanism of fighting or escaping might detect feelings of fear, anger, pain, or shame, which may lead us to instinctively react by either lashing out and saying cruel things or withdrawing and blaming ourselves for everything that’s happened.
Engaging in a fight may result in damaging a valuable relationship, while fleeing might cause harm to our emotional and mental well-being.
What is the Better Way to Find Inner Peace?
I have developed a three-step spiritual practice that can guide you in controlling your thoughts, mastering your emotions, and experiencing a greater sense to find inner peace when confronted with conflict. When you encounter intense emotions and find yourself drawn to react impulsively:
1) Detach: detach yourself emotionally from the conflict and challenging situations to reflect the situation rationally.
2) Observe: observe the situations is to identify the emotions, investigate what are my thoughts and why this is happening, could there be another reasons or explanations for the conflict?
3) Accept: learn to accept the things that are out of our control. Use positive self-talk to help you find inner peace and feel cared for, loved and accepted.
Detach
In the face of conflict and challenging situations, we have the opportunity to respond in a way that fosters unity, connection, and tranquility.
When we react impulsively with strong emotions of anger, hurt, or frustration, we are reacting from our primal brain. This part of our brain is responsible for ensuring our safety and well-being, and it triggers the fight-or-flight response when we feel threatened or upset.
However, by taking a moment to detach ourself from the tense situation and reflect, we allow our thoughts and feelings to catch up with our frontal brain, or our higher consciousness. This rational part of our brain is more objective and thoughtful.
Detaching gives us the chance to experience and interpret the emotion from the third person perspective. It also enables our logical brain to examine how we are interpreting the information or situation. This detachment grants us the ability to approach any circumstance with serenity and composure.
Observe
Observing your emotions is an important step in understanding them and managing them effectively. When you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath. This will help you calm down and focus on your emotions.
Identify the specific emotion you are feeling. For example, if you are feeling anxious, acknowledge it as anxiety. Emotional guidance scale is a helpful way to identify your emotions. This process enables you to approach the emotion with more impartiality, reducing its hold on you.
After labeling your emotions, observe the physical sensations and your thoughts that are associated with your emotions. For example, if you are feeling angry, you may notice tension in your shoulders or a pounding heart, those are the physical sensations come with the emotion ‘angry’; if you are feeling sad, you may be thinking about a particular loss or disappointment, this is the thoughts for the emotion ‘angry’.
Ask yourself:
- What is causing the most pain?
- What are my thoughts about what is happening and why?
- Could there be another explanation or possibility?
When we observe our emotions and wonder our thoughts, we learn more about ourselves.
Practice mindfulness to be fully present in the moment without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, you can observe your emotions without getting carried away by them.
Journaling can be a helpful tool to observe your emotions. Write down your thoughts and feelings as they come up, and reflect on them later.
Observing your emotions facilitates acceptance and provides you with the opportunity to process the emotion with mindfulness and patience. Once you observe your emotions as well as the sensations and the thoughts associated with those emotions, you can begin to manage them in a healthy way.
An Example
Here is an example from a time this week when my emotions came out fighting and I had to observe my emotions.
I was in a meeting with my boss, and he criticized my work in front of everyone. I felt my face get hot and my heart rate increase. I wanted to defend myself and argue, but I knew that wouldn’t be productive. Instead, I took a deep breath and acknowledged to myself that I was feeling hurt and defensive.
When I was criticized in front of everyone, I experience physical symptoms such as tightness in my chest, nausea, faster breathing and heart rate. Additionally, if I feel that someone close to my boss is causing me to be shamed, I can become unpleasant and rude towards them.
I had to detach myself emotionally so I could think.
I had to take a breathe and observe my emotions.
While my boss was criticizing me, I had a few minutes to be curious and sit without judgment. I recognized feelings of hurt, anger, fear, and frustration and labeled them. I realized that although the way my boss manages was not appropriate, we both are working hard to at our jobs, we both want to get the project done successfully. Then came the next step.
Accept
Gaining the ability to acknowledge the things that are beyond our control can lead to peace. In my case, it involved acknowledging my thoughts and emotions about being criticized, and acknowledging my boss’ approach. When we oppose what we can’t modify, it becomes exasperating. If we refuse to accept our circumstances, situations, or events, we generate misery and agony.
To find inner peace, it’s crucial to practice managing our emotions. We need to train our mind to halt and take a moment, allowing our logical mind to take charge so that we can display our best self to the world.
I don’t want to be perceived as the hysterical woman who is always stressed and argue with others to defend myself. I don’t want to experience anxiety and alarm and respond in a manner that I might regret later.
Instead, I aspire to react with composure and respect, but this requires practice.
There are lots of ways I could have handled this situation, but first I had to recognize my own emotions, my thought patterns, and focus on what I want most. By detaching, observing and accepting, we will feel love and peace, we will eventually find inner peace in the time of conflicts.
